Monthly Archives: May 2016

mother's day and mental health

mother’s day and mental health

Happy mothers day to the anxious, the depressed, to those battling mental illness and those believing the lies of the enemy saying “you are failing at this mom thing.”

I don’t have words that will heal your hearts or pull this thorn from your flesh, I wish I did. What I do have is the words to tell you that you are not alone. A reminder that you are loved and that these struggles do not make you a failure or less of a great mom.

You struggle on day by day doing your best to hide these hardships from your children, to smile when they look at you and fill their lives with joy even when you feel none. You speak truth to yourself even when you don’t think that you are actually listening. You wonder what is wrong with you and why you can’t just be happy, be “normal.”

What you don’t know is that when your children look at you, what they see is your strength. They look at you and see a woman who is living a faithful life when faith isn’t easy. They see you choosing to trust when your mind is screaming that you cannot. They see you making the hard choices that are only made harder because of the voices in your head telling you that it isn’t worth it. They see your perseverance. Your children look at you and see hope for their own future because of the way you continue to battle this thorn in your flesh that won’t come out.

Your life gives your children the strength they will need to face their own thorns ones day whether those thorns are similar to your own or completely different. I know because I was one of those children.

At least for today shout “shut up!” at the prince of lies who wants to tear you down so you won’t be a threat to him.

Hear my words to you today, the words HE whispers to you every day, even when it is hard to hear Him. You are not a failure, you are a conqueror. You are strong because He is shining through you even in your weakest moments. You are raising children who know that life isn’t always easy but that God is always faithful even when trusting feels impossible.

Sister in Christ, daughter of the King, hold your head high today. You are raising the people who may one day change the world and anxiety (or whatever your particular struggle is) can’t do a darn thing to stop that because you are His.

signed

 

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after burnout

after burnout

It has been almost 5 months since my website was hacked and I lost everything I have written in the past 2 years. This happened at a time of chaos in my life, getting ready to go to Africa, then coming back and jumping right back into the insanity that is my life (of my own making). Africa was exactly as I imagined it would be, what wasn’t the same was the feeling of coming back. I have been overseas before so I knew a bit of it but at the time I was still a child really, a teenager with the world open to me and very few responsibilities. This time coming back meant jumping back into the ministries I am involved in, jumping back into being a mom and my work responsibilities. I didn’t expect the emotions that came with it or even know how to explain them, I still don’t really. Losing every post I have poured my heart into for the past two years only exasperated it (a lot).

I found myself well along the road to burnout, again, with no idea how to turn it around and no idea how to even explain how I was feeling except tired.

I don’t blame Africa, that was awesome and I am dying to back, it was entirely my own fault for getting myself involved in too many things, stretching myself too thin and relying on my own strength.

Normally when I feel these feeling writing helps, but this time even my voice was tired. No words left in my over wordy life. Words have always been a way of processing for me, they help but these past few months trying to find words was so hard!

I too a step back of whatever I could and still I just felt exhausted. Every so slowly I started to feel like myself again but still the words were missing. Today was the first time in a long time that I have felt those words start to bubble up again and felt the need to sit down and write. It feels like a spring in my life which is wonderful, slowly those tiny plants are starting to poke through again and I’m starting to feel life creep into me again. Words and emotion, not sure why they have come back together but they have, they both came crashing in on me today.

So, I am back, hopefully to stay and will slowly rebuild my site and content.

signed

PS I just read Eve Undone by Alanna Rusnak and I loved it and I’m not just saying that because she is my friend! It is a short story so it’s perfect for when you want something to fill an hour or so. Seriously, check it out!

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